Letter to Steve Jobs

So I just got done sending Steve Jobs my weekly email telling him ways he could improve that little operation he’s got going over there in apple land. I thought I would post it here online for all my fans to see that even though Steve Jobs is a billionaire and head of one of the largest comanies in the country, I still put the smack down on him. I’m an equal opportunity smack downer.

Yo Yo What Up Stevy Jeeby,

This is Jason, the IT Ninja from ASU that gives you his awesome weekly advice. Remember the one letter I sent you saying you should keep making more iPods and then like three months later you came out with the iPod Nano and made a bunch of cash money? YOU’RE WELCOME. So Steve, here’s the 411 on a product line that is near and dear to my heart, the mac mini. I love the mac mini and I think it’s time we took it into the 21st century…Deatherage style. So here’s some tips:

1. Change the Name
Mac Mini, that just focuses on the size and macness of the computer and makes it sound lame. Call it something that makes people think of cool stuff and small stuff like RoboMidget, or MiniMactastic , or even R2-D2. Any of those names would show people who’s the boss when it comes to tiny computers that are still amazing.

Two. Blu-Ray
Hey Steve, 1999 called and it wants its DVD player back, and that Will Smith song Willennium. Mac Minis (which I will now refer to as RoboMidgets) are the symbol of advanced technology and they should show it with more blu-ray than the competition, not with no blu-ray like you’re currently doing. It should have a blu-ray slot on every side and on the top so you can play your DVDs from every angle. Plus when you’re done it should shoot it out of one of the slots at random so people can have fun chasing it. I wouldn’t even watch the movie, I’d spend the whole time excited getting ready for the disc to shoot out.

C. Vista
You create the best computer in history and you don’t use the best Operating System in history? Are you high or just on drugs? Vista training has opened my eyes to what an operating system should be. With Vista you can do almost everything you could with XP plus it gives you like four new wallpapers. So get rid of the widgets and get on with the gadgets because Vista is where it’s at

9. Graphics
Plain white is boring, you need cool stuff on it like flames, and the words Jason is an IT Ninja on the side, and some cool skull guy and on the side you should have a ninja sword that comes out whenever a badguy tries to steal my awesome computer. But don’t have it come out when I pick it up because if it stabbed me I would go freakin’ crazy and destroy it by my ninja reflexes.

Finally, Grooves
The bottom of a RoboMidget should be grooved to fit onto a razor scooter. Let’s face it; about 99% of the population owns one of these revolutionary modes of transpiration. Razor scooters are the cutting edge of scooting and your computer is the cutting edge of computering so put them together. If I want to move this thing I shouldn’t have to figure out some way of rolling it on the floor like I do now, I should be able to put it on my handle bars and scoot it with ease.

So follow my steps to success and you can get your company back on track, scooter track that is and watch the money come in. I’m adding a detailed blue print I made with a Cad program. Hopefully your engineers are smart enough to put it together. They can give me a call if they get confused, I only charge $900 DOLLARS AN HOUR!

I'm Cool,

-Jason