I'm the Freaking Boss

Oh my gosh I should write a freaking book on how to be a boss. I know way more about the art of bossing than my boss Steve ever will. He's been micromanaging me all freaking day and I'm about to go crazy on him. I'm just like scooting around the work room minding my own beezwax when Steve comes in and is all like, "Hey Jason, did you take care of this ticket already?" and I'm freaking like "Hey Steve, did you take care of trying to micromanage me already? Oh wait, YES YOU DID!"

I don't know what the crap his freaking problem is. If he took all the time he spent asking me if I took care of tickets, he could have taken care of them himself; which would be actually helpful because I haven't taken care of any of them yet.

That's his problem, he's always asking about the stuff I don't do but he never pays attention to what I've already done. Hey Steve, here's a newsflash: there's always going to be stuff I don't do; you don't need to freaking look for it and talk to me about freaking doing it. Maybe you should try managing instead of looking for stuff I need to improve on!
For example today, I finished rearranging all the music on my server into folders by songs that are awesome, songs that I want to dance to, and songs that freaking rock, so now I won't spend all this time looking for my favorite songs so guess what, I have more time to be an I.T. Mastermind and FIX EVERYTHING!!! All Steve talks about is that I haven't worked on a ticket for two weeks, but not looking for my favorite tunes is something that will save me time the rest of my career. BAM!

Jason da I.T. Mastermind: 2 bazillion
Steve aka BossyMcMicromanagerface: -4

You know what, I'm sure most of my fans are CEOs and CIOs and important business people to get all the awesome tips that I dish out like the smack downs I dish out as well. So I'm going to give some tips on how to REALLY manage... Deatherage style.

1. Stop Freaking micromanaging me-Don't spend your time micromanaging me. It makes no freaking sense. If I didn't do something when I was in a good mood scootering around and eating a donut, do you think I'm going to do it now that you've jumped all over my freaking back and totally pissed me off? Short answer-No. Long answer-No freaking way, all I'm going to do is assign the job to you in close support and then put all my old used q-tips in all your folders in your office. Yeah, that IS why I keep all my old q-tips in a coffee cup on my desk.

2. Stop drawing pictures of me- They don't even look like me. You guys a freaking idiots.

3. Instead of having meetings like every freaking morning about what you want me to do today, talk to me at the end of the day and ask me about what I did, and take me out to dinner for it, it's the least you could do. Take notes on all the amazing stuff I did (you're going to need like 5 notebooks) and then show my coworkers the next day about what a freaking ninja I am.

4. No My Script Isn't Broken- It is so unlikely that any of my freaking scripts have problems that it's not worth my important time to ask me about. If something is wrong with some computer running my script, just get rid of the freaking computer because it's obviously a piece of crap anyway.

5. Stop buying so many freaking computers- Why do you think we have so many tech problems? Because we have like a bajillion computers. It's ridiculous dude. Do I work at the college of Nursing or like freaking NASA or something? Last time I checked there weren't a bunch of space suits here so I guess that means I work at the college of Nursing. Trade the computers for some thermometers and stuff. Man, space suits are so cool.

6. Get me a space suit- That would freaking rock. I would be like the first I.T. Ninja Spaceman. I could freaking lay the smack down on like aliens with futuristic technology and show them what a mastermind I am.

Holy crap I would be so freaking awesome in a spacesuit!

So yeah, basically if you want to grow a tree of I.T. genius you need to water it with encouragement, place it in the sunlight of teamwork, and feed it the nutirenets of stop bugging the crap out of me.