Christmas Classics

Well it's almost Christmas time and I'm feeling in the Christmas spirit. That's why I've decided to grace all of my fans with a classic Christmas poem that has been modified to be even more classic, by changing it to be about me.

‘Twas the Day Before My Vacation
-by Jason Deatherage


‘Twas the day before my vacation, and all through CoNHI
Never had they seen, such an I.T. mastermind.

I had fixed freaking everything, with 5 o’clock drawing near
Just 30 more minutes, till I got the crap out of here.

Tom was on his laptop, hoping that it could run Pong;
While the I.T. Ninja was rocking out, to Brittney Spears songs.

Sabrina was all creeped out, by Andy’s webcam
And Eric was thinking ‘bout how awesome I am.

When all of a sudden, my Jason senses were a tingled.
I sprung into action, once I finished eating my Pringles.

Away to the server room, with some ninja back-flips,
Time to be all amazing, like a solar eclipse.

The servers where crashing, and the internet down;
Power was failing, all over downtown.

Using my I.T. skillz; I was the only one able
to see the problem was coming, from all the unplugged cables.

Who could have done this, commit this horrible deed?
I knew in a moment it must have been Steve!

Like a winged badger, I tore through the air;
My muscles tearing through the stylish clothes that I wear.

"Now, Steve!” I shouted, “There’s nothing you can do.
Just come on out! I’m going to go freaking crazy on you!”

I ran to his office, but of course he wasn’t there.
I knew he’d be crying, and running off scared.

Now where does he spend more time than at work?
I picked up my scooter, and I raced off to Turf.

I broke down the door, with one powerful kick.
It looked freaking awesome, you should have seen it.

I scanned the bar, with my big bearded smile.
It was time for some justice, Jason Deatherage style!

The whole place was empty, not a person around.
That’s when I noticed a small note on the ground.

The note was from Steve, challenging my power
with a fight to the death, on top the Eiffel Tower.

But my super powerful nose told me he wasn’t in France.
I could smell someone so frightened; he had pooped his own pants.

Under a table I found him, a beer in each of his hands
Nervously he laughed, telling me his evil Steve plans.

“You may have found me” Steve said, “but I’m afraid you’re too late.
If you fight me, the servers will crash to a terrible fate.”

I laughed at Steve and his horrible plan,
Then I showed him the flash drive in the palm of my hand.

I threw the flash drive into the air with a whistle,
Aimed with perfect precision like a patriot missile.

It sailed through the window of NHI2
And into the USB slot like I planned it to do.

I told Steve I had filled the flash drive with amazing scripts just because,
I knew he would try to sabotage things like he always freaking does!

Steve laid on the ground crying, I had ruined his plans,
And all the streets filled up with my best hardcore fans.

They brought out a statue as my scripts were working away,
They all celebrated how I saved the freaking day.

Then I looked at my watch, it was one minute till five.
I gave Steve a demotion; then I picked up my sweet ride.

As I scooted away, all my fans started to clap,
and I said, "I’m going on vacation, don’t let the place go to crap."